Danny Silk: Honour

This is great, from Danny Silk’s Keep Your Love On, talking about honouring others:

Honour, like submission, is a term that has been misused and abused, particularly in connection with marriage. People see it as something that is expected, rather than something that is given. This is backwards. When honour is expected or even demanded, it becomes just another word for handing the control, power, and value over to one person in the relationship. A relationship where one person has all the power is one of dishonour, not honour.

God modelled honour when He transformed us from slaves to friends, from orphans to sons. He stooped low to bring us to His level. He used His power to make us powerful, insisting that we be equal partners in His plan to bring Heaven to earth.  This is the pattern for honour in relationships. True honour is the practice of two powerful people putting one another before themselves, empowering one another, working together to meet one another’s needs, and adjusting as necessary in order to move together toward the shared goals of the relationship.  Honour is also the practice of calling out the best in one another.  This can be expressed both in words of praise—“You are amazing!”—and in words of correction—“Hey, you are much too amazing to be acting like that! Remember who you are and stop it.”

I remember when my son, Taylor was struggling to get a job. He was living on his own, had few jobs here and there, but for the most part was unemployed. I found out that he wasn’t doing his best to get a job, so I let him know I wasn’t going to help him financially anymore.

“Dad!” he complained. “It’s just been really hard to find a job.”

“Son, you are Taylor Silk,” I said. “You can do whatever you want to do. Remember who you are. If you want a job you can get a job.”

After he stopped protesting, he thanked me for believing in him, and went out and got a job within a week.

Honour allows us to keep high levels of value for and faith in people, even when they demonstrate how different from us they are (which can be scary) and when they make mistakes (which can also be scary). Typically, people allow differences and mistakes to lower their respect and value for other people.  But you know the pillar of honour is strong in a relationship when you can look at the other person and say, “You are really different from me. It makes me sad when I see you making that choice. But I love you. I value you, I believe in you, and I am here for you in this relationship.”

Taken from Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On.


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